


100% Preservatives

by Gildedmuse



Series: The Grocery Store Panic Dance (A Slice Of Life Medley) [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Domestic Fluff, Grocery Shopping, M/M, No Beta We Die Like Dobby, Pre-Canon, Slice of Life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-30
Updated: 2019-04-30
Packaged: 2020-02-10 03:33:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,753
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18652045
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gildedmuse/pseuds/Gildedmuse
Summary: Everyone needs to eat at some time or another, and since food doesn’t magically appear at the table (well, most of the time), there must be shopping involved.





	100% Preservatives

**Author's Note:**

> [Originally posted to LJ in 2008 or so. Part of a series of domestic fluff/slice of life fics.]

**Step I – 100% Preservatives**

  
“Sirius, you can’t expect food to just magic itself onto the table.”  
  
“Why not? That’s what it’s always done before.”  
  
Remus sighs, somewhere between strangling Sirius and hexing himself for coming up with such a daft plan. Sirius had to learn how to shop at a Muggle grocer at one point or another. Remus simply wishes he didn’t have to be the one to teach him how. “Well, the rest of the world doesn’t work like that,” Remus explains. For such a clever, talented boy, Sirius tended to be rather oblivious in certain areas. Mainly the bits that involved actual work. “You’re going to have to learn that some time or another.”  
  
“That’s why I have you,” Sirius says. He’s not looking at Remus. He’s looking at a passing boy whose jeans are much too tight. Remus wishes Muggles dressed more like wizards. “To help me with these sorts of things.” He takes his eyes of the stranger long enough to smile at Remus. He tosses his arm over his friend’s shoulder. Remus decides he must be insane, to let such a berk lead him around like Sirius does.  
  
Then again, Sirius isn’t so horrible at everything. Remus can think of quite a few reasons to keep the boy around, most of which involve bedrooms and ties and things that make Remus blush.  
  
Sirius is very good at making Remus blush.  
  
“Something wrong?” Sirius asks when Remus’s face turns pink. Remus curses himself under his breath. He’s twenty and he can still turn crimson by simply thinking about Sirius. The grin that Sirius is sporting tells Remus that he knows exactly what is wrong. Tight Muggle jeans and food are forgotten when Sirius is smiling like that and asks, “Something I can help you with?”  
  
“This looks like a nice place.” Remus isn’t really looking at the shop he drags Sirius into. He’s just trying not to picture Sirius backing him into an alley. He doesn’t want to think about the brick against his back or Sirius’s thigh between his legs pushing fabric against skin. He definitely doesn’t want the entire sidewalk to know what he’s thinking about. Blush can look wind swept and innocent. Other things are harder to hide.  
  
Sirius is easily distracted, something Remus is thankful for at the moment. He looks over the shop Remus has lead them too, eyeing it critically. It’s an utterly unremarkable grocer that looks a lot like the one Remus remembers his mother taking him to back in Lockerbie. Sirius has never seen anything like it.  
  
“Look at all the food!” He says, loud enough to draw in the attention of nearly every passing customer. Remus smiles at an older lady who is giving them a strange look. He feels the need to pull out from under Sirius’s arm. “I mean, yeah the kitchen was something but it was all in cupboards and what not, wasn’t it?”  
  
“That’s why they call it food shopping, Sirius.” Remus sounds a little harsher then he intends. Still, he would prefer if the shopkeeper stopped staring at them like that. He can’t take Sirius anywhere without people staring.  
  
Not that he can blame them. Any girl at Hogwarts could tell you that Sirius was stare worthy. Especially dressed up in a pair of Muggle trousers and a nice shirt. It had been a struggle to get him in those, too. Sirius hadn’t liked the idea at first, saying the clothes were much too uncomfortable and tight.  
  
After thirty minutes that left both boys exhausted Sirius promised to wear the jeans whenever Remus asked.  
  
It took a lot of Remus’s concentration not to jump him again. The fact that Sirius acts like an utter arse half the time they’re in public helped.  
  
“Take this,” Remus says, shoving a basket into Sirius’s arms. Last time he tried to take James, Sirius, and Peter into the Muggle world he’d been banned from most of the shops around his home and nearly arrested twice. He still isn’t sure why he thought bringing Sirius shopping would be a good idea.  
  
Sirius is looking at each shelf like he has never seen food before. Remus stops every now and then to pick up bread, cheese, milk, and other things to place in the basket. It goes rather well until Sirius comes out of his stupor and starts asking for things.  
  
“What about this?” He holds up a can of spaghetti. Remus shakes his head.  
  
“You need a Muggle microwave,” he says, pointing to the directions on the side of the container. “And something bad would happen if you tried to magically cook it.”  
  
“Like what?” Sirius asks, putting the can in the basket regardless of Remus’s words. Remus puts it back on the shelf and moves Sirius along.  
  
“I don’t know,” he admits. “But with you, it will probably be very bad. And very messy.”  
  
“What about this?” Sirius picks up a jar of Nutella. Remus pulls it out of his hands and puts it back without a word. “Hey?” Sirius grabs it again. “What’s wrong with this?”  
  
Remus sighs. “It’s nearly eight pounds and you don’t even know if you like it or not. You can’t just buy something that looks – What are you doing?”  
  
Sirius pops open the lid and peels back the paper top. “Seeing if I like it or not.”  
  
Remus squeaks. It’s rather girly and embarrassing, but it’s the only sound of protest he can make. He pulls the jar out of Sirius’s hands before Sirius can dip a finger in.  
  
“We’ll get the Nutella,” Remus said, screwing the cap back on and dropping the jar into the basket. “But Sirius you can’t just taste things in the shop. It doesn’t work like that.”   
  
Sirius snorts. “Well then how am I suppose to know what I like or not?” He asks. “A bit stupid of the Muggles, I’d say, to put all this food about and not even let you taste it before you buy it. It’s not my fault if they’re all idiots.”  
  
Remus tries to remember that Sirius was raised in a home where food magically appeared at every meal time, and went to a school where all he had to do was tickle a pear and any snack he asked for would be given to him without ant questions or hesitations. Remus tries to remember that Sirius had James’s mother to cook for him and after that could stop by Peter or James or Remus’s for a meal whenever he wanted. Remus tries to remember that Sirius has never had to shop for himself before unless it involved dung bombs or broomsticks.   
  
This doesn’t work, so Remus takes a moment to count to ten. Sirius says, “Can I go home now?”  
  
Remus says, “We’re not done shopping yet.” He holds up the basket. “We hardly have enough for the week, and that’s only if we want nothing but cheese and nutella sandwiches.”  
  
Sirius says, “But you don’t want me to be here and I don’t want to be here.”  
  
“But you have to learn how to shop in the Muggle world,” Remus points out. “I can’t exactly let you and James figure it out by yourselves now, can I?”  
  
Remus tries to imagine taking Sirius and James grocery shopping. He shivers and says thanks for the existences of one Lily Evans-soon-to-be-Potter.  
  
Sirius thinks about this for a moment. Remus can tell he’s thinking because Sirius is in the habit of looking skywards when his mind is at work. Remus is sure this has something to do with quidditch.  
  
When Sirius looks back down at Remus he says, “You can shop, can’t you?”  
  
Remus is slow to nod. He hasn’t worked out where Sirius is going yet, and hates to agree with him until he has figured out exactly what it is he’s agreeing to. Sirius says, “Well, then, problem solved.”  
  
“Sorry?”  
  
“If you can shop then I don’t need to.”  
  
“But,” Remus starts, half in awed by Sirius lack of common sense. “You have to learn. I mean I might not always be-“  
  
Sirius stops him with a kiss. Remus has never been good with public affections, and for all his flirting Sirius isn’t the type to act terribly dotting when others are around. So the kiss catches Remus off guard. The whole thing is shocking and chaste and gone before Remus’s brain can tell him how to react.  
  
“You can shop,” Sirius explains. “And I can do other things. No reason for me to busy myself with this when you’re perfectly capable.” Sirius smiles. It’s the sort of smile he used when he first asked Remus if maybe the other first year might be willing to help him stuff James’s trunk with exploding puss pods. Remus has always had a hard time saying no to that smile.  
  
“I’m going to meet up with Prongs and Wormtail, then,” Sirius says before Remus can quite comprehend anything. “See you back at home.”  
  
There is a pop and a bunch of air where Sirius had stood.  
  
Remus turns down an isle, picking out some vegetables and fruits to keep them healthy. He gets plenty of meat, too, and a few ingredients for some sort of pudding. He decides that Sirius is an utter idiot who has no idea what he says when he says it. He decides that there is no way Sirius just asked – or told, as is the case – Remus to live with him in a forever, marriage sort of sense. He decides he must be under some sort of confusion spell, which makes much more sense than anything else that has happened that day.  
  
Remus is so caught up in convincing himself that he nearly walks into a nice young girl. She smiles and they both apologize, and Remus figures that’s the end of it until she speaks up again. “You came in with that cute young man, right?”  
  
Remus is usually the one referred to as cute. Fit is more a word used when referring to Sirius. Or bloody sexy, if that person is feeling particularly brave and/or drunk. Still, Remus nods. “He just left.”  
  
The girl gives a sympathetic laugh. “My boyfriend is like that, too. Says he doesn’t need to do the shopping as long as he has me.”  
  
Without thinking too much about it Remus says, “That’s wonderful,” and earns himself an odd look. “I, for one, don’t plan on ever teaching Sirius how to shop.”  
  



End file.
